Lifting up an empty cup I ask silently..

The road to self-actualization is paved with moments of realizations, times when you start questioning yourself; and to be able to do it in public is a sign of strength and a proof that you’re on the right track. I don’t boast of being anywhere close to a rational human being but I always uphold my relentless urge to be one. As I tap my fingers on the board to search for answers to questions which befuddle me right now, there’s this ceaseless reverberation of music in the background and fluctuations of lights all around.

For the umpteenth time I have left an ongoing party in the middle of the action, the frequency of my exits has been paranormal. I am tired of throwing excuses; habituated to being branded a middle aged man for the lack of interest that alcohol evokes in me, for the simple fact that I don’t/can’t tap my feet to the beat of the music. Am I normal? Then why do I fail to recognize and appreciate the exuberance during such events which comes so naturally to the rest of the people?

I am not ashamed of being a party outcast but it does deliver a few moderate punches to my self-esteem when my friends constantly perceive me as the beast eating in on their fun. Persistently, I have been asked to reason with people on matters concerning my abstinence from alcohol consumption. I think I owe an explanation if not an apology to all of you, it’s a justification stemming from my core- an attempt at tackling this nigh denial situation.

I would begin with a biology lesson, your central nervous system is the one which is responsible for your perception and situational analysis of each and every event you perceive. There are substances known to mankind which could alter the functioning of this system and hence pose and create false delusions, hereby giving you a sense of overachievement, exuberance yet in a fictional, virtual world. This is not reality. But nonetheless, these substances have the power to give you a kick into a world of ecstasy. Yes, the feeling is real but the happenings are not.

This is my brain!!

Alcohol can make you as the ephemeral center of the universe, but only for you, other will not agree with your perceptions as you are in your virtual world. Marijuana could transform you into a king of good times, but yet again it would be a delusional phenomenon. The reality of the world and your perception of the world would be at loggerheads, though the sensation would most certainly be overwhelming.

So the question staring me right in my face is, to live my life to the maximum should I indulge in these substances, which are packed with falsehood but are yet promising when it comes to excitement, or shall I steer clear and take a real yet unpredictable path which imposes the responsibility of exploring happiness and fun completely on me ?

The former road is a wild card entry to the El Dorado, though a territory which would exist only in your head, the latter route is not easy but has endless possibilities and only takes a little digging from my end. I chose the second path, I prefer throwing in some effort if that keeps me from bearing a sensation of confusion and unplugging from the real world.

And not just I… each one of us has a choice! We just need to respect each other’s choices.

EPILOGUE

I am expecting a barrage of offensive comments on this, but believe me you, your choice in no way alters the way I see you. I respect you and treat you the way I do for what you are and not what route you chose. In a world full of alternative route takers, at least surrounding me, being an Indian I just felt the need to protect the minority rights.

Do not shoot me down for my sin!

On a parting note, I hope the people continue to love me for what I am, and not judge me by what I not am.