Not a CAT-A-TONIC !!

After a long hiatus and weeks of relentless encouraging chants from my conscience I finally mustered enough courage to make a comeback. If the common rationale amongst you is that it was a brilliant post or the ensnaring of a creative spirit manifesting into a worthwhile post that was holding me back, then you’re mistaken.

I simply write today because it is one of those things which instills happiness in me, It is a great feeling indeed to see your thoughts take shape and eventually to stamp your seal of authority on to something which would’ve ceased to exist had it not been for you- You are the sole creator of an entity, something which has found its way into this world just because of you and no one else.

Unlike a lot of people who research and enter a great deal of thought in writing, I just go about hitting keys on the board as some random ideas strike my mind. Today’s post is no different but there is a certain reason backing it up which gives it a touch of variation. If you’re a regular reader of my blog – which does make you precious and at the same time scarce- you would understand the fact that most of the times the leitmotif of my writing has been the external world and the various incidents doing the rounds of our social chambers…but, not today.

Exactly a month ago, I was awaiting the CAT 2013 results. Having failed twice in my pursuit earlier, I was hoping to be third time lucky. There was a huge difference though in the manner I took the examination this time from the two previous occasions. There was a lot of hard work backing me up this time.

 Just like a pugilist who keeps recovering and learning from the earlier bouts I was better prepared to deliver the knock-out punch in 2013. I had gone through a decent training program for the final battle – a good number of Mock exams with decent scores, a mix of questions from different institutes and some random stuff which I found online. I was sure of taming the biggest obstacle that was up against me since some time, if CAT was the immovable object I had transformed myself to be the unstoppable force.

I was brimming with confidence after I thought I had done fairly well in a tough examination slot, despite two-three non-conventional attempts where I had arrived at the answers indirectly I was moderately sure of the rest.  Just like the regular Bollywood flicks, my story too was heading towards a happy ending up until the result day when I received a phone call from my friend who talked me into divulging my exam details - Roll number and email address - to him.

“Bhai (brother)”, followed by a good ten second pause, “FUCK…FUCK, FUCK… FUCK……, I will call you later (sic)”, he said on phone. I was devastated, I had gotten the cue; I was already feeling miserable and I rushed back in the room to look at the scorecard myself. I was gutted on seeing my performance, the jinx had withstood, and the score looked ugly for the third time as well. For the next one hour, I tried to assimilate my scores along with quite a few of my friend’s results who had done exceptionally well. I got myself into a rut thinking how their preparation was different than mine, what gave them the power over me.

This continued till I realized that I was looking at the wrong places for the answers, I was blaming the universe for conspiring against me though the answer lied within me, It was my inability on that given day which resulted in my failure and I should be the sole bearer of my anguish emanating from my under-performance.

And from that moment on, I witnessed a change in the grief stricken me.  I transformed and realized that I am not incapable though the scorecard makes me to be one; it was my inability to cope with the environment on that given day which made me land into that situation. The worst that I could have done to myself would have been choosing to stay in the same rut and not moving forward. I think if I had done that then I would have let CAT trounce on me, but I didn’t which makes me feel that I didn’t succumb to it.

On top of that admitting to it in an open arena gives me more credence.

As far as others and their opinions on me are concerned I think when you gain a true understanding of yourself; you truly don’t need excuses or justifications to prove yourself to others. As for me I think my performance in some of the other tests was sufficient to reignite the ray of hope and re-infuse confidence in me, though this in no way translates to me taking up CAT heads on once again. Not because I am scared but because I am sure that a 140 minutes test is not a true reflector of me and my abilities, and it would be an unwise decision to postpone my other career goals for it.

I think if I can go about living my life as happily and successfully as I had expected it to be, I would be well within my rights to say that I defeated CAT.

P.S. After having taken XAT once, I think CAT is the wrong exam hogging the limelight. One day, one test – is still the most ideal way to judge candidates. No hassles of normalization, no chances of question leakage and no vague theories of progressive deduction.

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place. It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you're hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" - Rocky Balboa